I'm almost afraid to admit how different my feelings are for my daughters. One has autism and the other has aspergers. Don't get me wrong I think they are both perfect. I don't know what others believe but I believe God sent them and for what ever reasons he sent them they way they should be.
DD#1 is just perfect. I can't imagine her any other way than she is. She can't control many of the ways she expresses herself and here we are. She couldn't change if she wanted to.
DD#2 is also just perfect. But I can and do remember wishing she was different. Some days she is so reasonable and easy to deal with. It ALMOST seems like she can control her behaviors. Some days she's almost typical. Then she has a really bad day. I realize it just isn't so.
Everyone has to plan for DD#1. They know it and understand it. We do our best to craft her environment to best meet her needs. DD#2 is different. I still find myself advocating for her on a regular basis. I also find myself trying to convince her to do the things she should.
It's not a good or bad difference in my feelings between them. I'm just aware it is hugely different. Do you know what I mean?
Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Monday, April 18, 2011
Autism Communication: Emotions and Non-verbal Communication Help with Behavior
Emotions and children with Autism is such a source of heart ache and confusion. We all wonder why our child loses control in line or while waiting or whenever. Over the years I have learned a few things about emotions and a child with Autism that have helped us. As close as I can tell, emotions help us make sense of the world.
For example, if we are good at doing something, like work or fixing things, we feel calm. Children with Autism stim with objects like the wheels of the car or lining up dolls because it makes them feel calm. Stimming is also like a nervous habit.
Twirling our hair or popping the plastic packing material from a box calms us. It works the same for children with Autism, they feel anxious so they stim to calm themselves. The only difference is that we are aware of the world and why we are doing what we do.
The world always seems to be changing and intruding for a child with Autism so they are more anxious. It helps to keep our faces calm and peaceful. Babies react if our face looks upset. They cry. It can work the same way for our children, but we have to tell them to look at our calm face.
They do not learn to do it automatically like babies. We have to tell them. It can help them feel less anxious. Getting my daughters to relax and be calm was also done by slowing down. I would slow down everything so my daughters would have time to notice and react.
I focused on one reaction at a time. For example, I would smile if everything was ok. Then I had to teach my daughter that a smile means it is ok. Next it might be shaking my head meant something was ok or it might even be the pitch of your voice that you could teach your child to react to.
One of my daughters did learn to read. We were able to match non-verbal communication or cues to text too. Just like anything else in life, if it does not work, stop it. Maybe go back later. Just spending time together is an important activity too. It teaches your child even when you do not do anything else.
You can do the non-verbal stuff with little games too. You might want to pass a toy around. The fun part is to pass the toy only when the next person smiled or whatever was the isolated non-verbal cue you want your child to notice. This also helped her to learn to wait. I could gradually increase the amount of time before I smiled. My daughter enjoyed learning to do the same.
One day I was cooking I had trouble getting the microwave to work. I am not sure why. My daughter started to get upset and tantrum. When she looked at me I had a blank look on my face and told her it was ok. She immediately calmed down.
Another time we were picking up medication. It was not ready. She started to cry. When I looked at her with a calm face and said it was ok, she relaxed. Years ago she would have had a serious tantrum over things like that.
Sometimes when all else failed and we had to wait somewhere, I let her verbally stim. In the scheme of things I prefer to play with her by verbally stimming than tantruming.
For example, if we are good at doing something, like work or fixing things, we feel calm. Children with Autism stim with objects like the wheels of the car or lining up dolls because it makes them feel calm. Stimming is also like a nervous habit.
Twirling our hair or popping the plastic packing material from a box calms us. It works the same for children with Autism, they feel anxious so they stim to calm themselves. The only difference is that we are aware of the world and why we are doing what we do.
The world always seems to be changing and intruding for a child with Autism so they are more anxious. It helps to keep our faces calm and peaceful. Babies react if our face looks upset. They cry. It can work the same way for our children, but we have to tell them to look at our calm face.
They do not learn to do it automatically like babies. We have to tell them. It can help them feel less anxious. Getting my daughters to relax and be calm was also done by slowing down. I would slow down everything so my daughters would have time to notice and react.
I focused on one reaction at a time. For example, I would smile if everything was ok. Then I had to teach my daughter that a smile means it is ok. Next it might be shaking my head meant something was ok or it might even be the pitch of your voice that you could teach your child to react to.
One of my daughters did learn to read. We were able to match non-verbal communication or cues to text too. Just like anything else in life, if it does not work, stop it. Maybe go back later. Just spending time together is an important activity too. It teaches your child even when you do not do anything else.
You can do the non-verbal stuff with little games too. You might want to pass a toy around. The fun part is to pass the toy only when the next person smiled or whatever was the isolated non-verbal cue you want your child to notice. This also helped her to learn to wait. I could gradually increase the amount of time before I smiled. My daughter enjoyed learning to do the same.
One day I was cooking I had trouble getting the microwave to work. I am not sure why. My daughter started to get upset and tantrum. When she looked at me I had a blank look on my face and told her it was ok. She immediately calmed down.
Another time we were picking up medication. It was not ready. She started to cry. When I looked at her with a calm face and said it was ok, she relaxed. Years ago she would have had a serious tantrum over things like that.
Sometimes when all else failed and we had to wait somewhere, I let her verbally stim. In the scheme of things I prefer to play with her by verbally stimming than tantruming.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Looking for a Cure for Autism
Oh my, I slipped right into it. I started reading about a promising program that many parents of children with Autism are using. I became obsessed. Then I went back to that program with the Dolphins.
I am also trying to figure out how to go to Europe to get trained in that first program. Plane tickets, a week's stay, the registration... I do not have that kind of money. Obsession.
Breathe! I had not done this in years. At some point in the oldest dauther's life I had decided it was about the quality of her life, not a cure. Do not get me wrong I did believe and look for a cure when she was young.
But at some point it became about whether she was happy and loved. It just surprised me how quickly I slipped back into looking for a cure.
I am also trying to figure out how to go to Europe to get trained in that first program. Plane tickets, a week's stay, the registration... I do not have that kind of money. Obsession.
Breathe! I had not done this in years. At some point in the oldest dauther's life I had decided it was about the quality of her life, not a cure. Do not get me wrong I did believe and look for a cure when she was young.
But at some point it became about whether she was happy and loved. It just surprised me how quickly I slipped back into looking for a cure.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
One of the hardest things about being a mother, let alone a mother to a daughter with Aspergers, is letting them learn their own lessons. Although she is an adult and of course I have know her all her life I still find myself mystified by some of the things she does and says.
It is obvious to me that everyone but her boyfriend does not care for her. She lives with the boyfriend, his 14 year old sister, their grandmother, their mother, and the mother's current boyfriend. Rose talks about how the mother's boyfriend does not like her and wants to get rid of her.
Rose came to spend the night last night, which was wonderful. When she explained to me how the mother's boyfriend was trying to get rid of her, I felt so bad for her. But then at some point I realized she did not care. At first I though it was a lack of Social Skills then it is like she just did not feel it.
That should not surprise me as I have noticed it with my oldest daughter who has a more traditional Autism. It is just like when they do not know what to do with a feeling they just cut it off and do not feel it.
I'm amazed. I wanta learn to do that. Maybe. Do your children on the spectrum do that?
It is obvious to me that everyone but her boyfriend does not care for her. She lives with the boyfriend, his 14 year old sister, their grandmother, their mother, and the mother's current boyfriend. Rose talks about how the mother's boyfriend does not like her and wants to get rid of her.
Rose came to spend the night last night, which was wonderful. When she explained to me how the mother's boyfriend was trying to get rid of her, I felt so bad for her. But then at some point I realized she did not care. At first I though it was a lack of Social Skills then it is like she just did not feel it.
That should not surprise me as I have noticed it with my oldest daughter who has a more traditional Autism. It is just like when they do not know what to do with a feeling they just cut it off and do not feel it.
I'm amazed. I wanta learn to do that. Maybe. Do your children on the spectrum do that?
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