Housekeeping

If you get several posts at once, I apologize. I noticed when you post differently it does not always go through correctly. I was also cleaning up spelling. Thanks for your patience.

oy vey. Daughter *aspie* told me I was too old to have friends. Especially younger ones!. The bigger question than whether I can have friends or not is whether this is typical teenage daughter behavior. It could be she is seeing the world in black and white.

Sometimes it does not matter how hard you try with a teen, everything is still going to be the parents fault. Then multiply that by 100 for the teen with Aspergers. Mine believes she is never wrong. Social immaturity is already difficult to see in oneself. When you add in the social skills deficts it is overwhelming. Then hormones...Oy vey.

You wish for a special person for a teen with Aspergers. But it becomes all consuming for them and by extension the entire family. I imagined it would be easier with a supportive family. It is hard to tell though.

So has anyone noticed my new blogging tatic? I am sending short posts about the girls. What do you think? I still plan to write longer posts. Do you prefer one?

'Tha wole point ov leven iz leven nt stayn' Text from the daughter w Aspergers. Do you think she is ready?

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. You are without a doubt the best mom in the world! I love you.

We're in the car. The daughter w Aspergers is screaming. The daughter with Autism is crying. Life with both in one family must follow the Theory of chaos.

Dominoe got her apartment last week. Her electricity yesterday. Some of her furniture today. Scarey. Way too fast for me. I'm only the Momma. What do u think?

Dominoe's Apartment

Ok, we are taking the plunge. Dominoe got the key for her apartment. She is supposed to get 24/7 services once she moves. Did I mention I was a nervous wreck?

Our local Office of Citizens with Developmental Disabilities is helping with some deposits and furnishings. That is major. The apartment complex has security.

I know she has to move out sometime. I know it is better if she does it before I die. Not that I am planning or dying anytime soon. But still she needs to learn how to do what she needs to do now.

And she can always move back home if she needs too!

Wrinkles in Our Lives

I was having a discussion the other day with my oldest son. He remarked something about Autism being so traumatic for our family. It surprised me and made me think if it was worse for him as the oldest child. I mean worse than it was for me as the parent.

Well later I called him to talk about it. Of course his first remark was that I didn't remember. You know how it is if you have childre above say pre-teen. You're don't know anything or you forgot. It gets better when your children hit their twenties but... Anyway I digress.

My oldest is a son and he is 29 years old and I forgot. It took awhile to get to it but I finally got it through to him that every child is traumatic in some way and at some time. I see all of those things as wrinkles that change our lives. Sometimes change our lives dramatically but all children have wrinkles.

Once he understood that we agreed on what the diagnosis of Autism was like in our lives. I got the impression he thought it was the turning point in our life. He had the idea I didn't think it was important.

Autism Services: What Parents Need to Know About the History

It is only in recent history that there has been such a thing as Autism Services or any services for people with disabilities. Understanding the history is important for parents to know how far services have come. It also keeps them from getting discouraged when Autism Services seem to go so slow.

In the distant past a baby or a young child with a disability was left by the side of the road. Many children died. The lucky ones were picked up by couples who could not have children Other children were picked up to be slaves or workers.

Some families kept their loved ones in cellars or attics. They also used cages. As bad as this sounds many times these families loved the person. It was necessary to use these measures so people could work.

Some where in the early 1900’s people started to realize people with disabilities could learn and do things. At that point schools still did not accept children with disabilities. You might find people with disabilities working with parents in the kitchens or fields. Sometimes they were still kept locked up.

In roughly the 1960’s parents started to organize schools in the attics or cellars. Because it was considered a statement on the family’s genetics many families still kept their children at home.

Some parents had organized advocacy organizations like the ARC’s. They went door to door and literally begged people to tell them about the family members that were essentially hidden.

Armed with some hard numbers these early parent advocates went to the federal legislature for our children. They convinced legislators that our children could learn and deserved to learn. This led to the early laws that insisted children with disabilities be included in schools.

At about the same time those same parents were advocating for other services for our children. This was the period we saw large institutions built for our children. Many parents were told that their entire family would be damaged by keeping a child with a disability at home.

Institutions were state of the art services at that time though. We owe a serious debt of gratitude for these parents. As with everything the culture and the beliefs of parents changed.

Many parents wondered why their child could not receive some if not most of these same services at home. Parents in general believed they could pay rent, utilities, and raise their children. They just needed a little help. This has led to the services many families receive for their child with Autism or other disabilities in their home.

Uncomfortable Autism

Many times therapies and education for a child with Autism seem to be aimed at making them more “normal”-what ever normal is. I guess it had never occurred to me before. After talking to other families with a member with Autism I became aware of this.

The current topic at our house is my 21 year old daughter’s desire to get her own apartment. I suspect, no wait I know, the reason is to have ‘alone’ time with her boyfriend.

This seems on the surface to be more than typical for anyone who is 21. What is strange is my part in thins. I am essentially having to advocate for them. I’m her mother. Although myself and all five of my children are pretty open and plain in our discussions, I have never had to be this involved.

It feels strange. I asked the provider we work with about the people they serve. They mentioned that the only once which are intimate is a married couple. So that brings up another thought. Does that mean most people with disabilities are not intimate???? WHY???

Hmmmmm. Uncomfortable again.

Related Posts:

Autism Social Skills: Finding a Spouse