Sometimes you have to let a child with Aspergers hurt emotionally. I don't see anyway around it. If they don't hurt emotionally then there is no motivation to learn the lesson, whatever that might be.
As a parent I have had to learn to do it early in my child's life. It was kinder to let her learn while I was there to provide support. My daughter has her moments now that she stands up for herself. I don't know if she would have been able to do that if she didn't learn some lessons early on.
It is a lot harder now that she is an adult. The lesson's life is teaching her are harder for her to understand and deal with. Some days it breaks my heart. Other days when she stands up for herself, I feel so proud of her.