Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Yes People with Disabilities Can be Unsavory Characters

My daughter has a new boyfriend.  I learn about him on a Wednesday.  He showed up at her door, which was fine.  I won't use his name for reasons which will become apparent shortly.  The DSPs (Direct Support Personnel) are supposed to call me, which they did.  They reported from the beginning that he had a disability.

I like to know when something different goes on because most of Dominoe's schedule and life is pretty structured.  If you have a child with autism you know how important that structure is even if they are an adult.

I'm not sure if they saw each other the Thursday.  I just don't remember.  I know the Friday they did.  There is going to be an election in a few months.  One of the people running for something or the other threw a dance in the recreation room at the apartments where DD lives.

The next day, Saturday, we met at a restaurant for DD's birthday.  She was 26 the next day.  The new boyfriend wanted to attend so I said yes.  He gave DD an iphone and activated it for her birthday.  I'm aware he has a disability and asked lots of questions.

He was aware that the phone was expensive.  He was sure he had the money.  Even though he has a disability he does not have a service coordinator or a provider agency.  He worked at the same place as DD but I'm not sure if it was competitive employment or not.

At some point the next evening he ended up with all of DD's gift cards.  When I fussed and asked her about it, she told me they were hers.  And...she's right so I didn't say a whole lot more.

The next evening she gave him her birthday money.  Now I really fussed.  She told me it was 'theirs'.  Then I really fussed.  There is no theirs with a guy you have been seeing five days.  We continue to discuss this issue and when money 'might' be shared between a couple.

I continued fussing and one of the DSPs who has been with DD a long time.  She had a long discussion with this young man about DD not understanding.  The next day he brought back the cash but to this date we have never seen the gift cards.

I know this young man knows more than DD does because he drives and he can carry on a general conversation by text.  Yes, DD texts but it's 'lovey lovey lovey' or 'mothery mothery mothery' or something  similar.

At some point he stopped talking to DD.  He also asked one of her DSPs to be his girlfriend.  He told the DSP her would buy her a cell phone!!!  He has been seeing DD less than two weeks.

I'm in the process of trying to get DD to understand that he isn't a good guy.

I'm also amused when I think of the people who say people with disabilities are little angels - NOT. lolol  Do you have a similar story?

Friday, September 5, 2014

Not a Good Year For Autism in Our Lives

I have to admit sometimes I'm full of my self. Things have been going so well for quite a while with my oldest daughter's services. Even the behaviors associated with her autism have been going fairly well. Then we had several problems right in a row and things have gone south. FAST. Somehow Dominoe burned herself with a hot bowl of soup. I haven't ever gotten a straight story from Dominoe if she carried the soup to her chair or if the DSP handed it to her that hot. As you may know with people with autism, getting a full accurate story is challenging. She's better now. But we spent a couple months going to the wound care doctor and having the wound debried. I now know more about would care, bandages, tapes, and burns than I ever wanted to know. I have had intense discussions around health and safety. I have had even more intense discussions about following the doctor's orders with nurses and the provider company. Then the supervisor of the DSP's was let go from the company. Dominoe was very attached to her. The new supervisor is totally different and definitely not hands on. Things gradually got to the point that we started looking for another provider company. There started being issues in the process of linking with the new company. I thought they were misunderstandings. Unfortunately when I spoke to someone in the local state office within 2 hours the new provider decided the couldn't meet Dominoe's needs. I guess it's better I found out now. I know people in the state office across the state. I don't want a provider company who thinks they might be able to stop me from speaking to anyone about how things work. On the other hand I feel like I have done something wrong... Things were going so well for Dominoe. But then maybe I'm too full of myself. It's really about Dominoe being healthy, safe, and happy.