Social Skills and Self Control

It was a bad night last night. Started out with the boyfriend coming over because Rose told him she was going to kill herself. I think she even had a couple ways to do it. The boyfriend was going to spend some time playing monopoly with his younger sister and Rose wanted him to spend time with her.

Long story short she starts screaming at me at some point. Threatens to hit me in a real backward way. My youngest son jumps in and the boyfriend goes into a seizure.

She believes the seizures have nothing to do with her. This is the second time this week he had had a seizure around her temper.

I keep trying to make sure in my mind what is the difference between her Aspergers and her being a teenager. I really think this is about the Aspergers.

The inability to understand the boyfriend needs a little space. The inability to control her temper. To me these are all social problems that are part of Aspergers.

Arguing with your mother, now that is probably being a teenager. What do ya'll think?

First SSI Check

The first is the first SSI check my daughter is getting. She is also 18 on the first. At least right now the check comes in my name. My daughter is not happy about this. This is the second daughter, the one who has Aspergers. I'm trying to get her to understand she has to pay bills like rent. First. It's gonna be rough. Help. How has anyone else handled this?

Thanksgiving and Autism

Yes, I'm slow. I know Thanksgiving is past. I've just been thinking about how well it went. The daughter who moved out first, the oldest one, came home without staff for TWO DAYS! I did keep my expectations low. A friend invited us to lunch. My daughter in law cooked for supper.

We didn't have any large crowds to deal with. I didn't have to deal with cooking. It really went well. We got up when we felt like it and did what we wanted.

She washed my dishes and put out my trash. She says she does that at her house. I was very happy. No melt downs what so ever...

I'm still thinking but I am so excited. No melt downs for two days.

Granted she was the only one home but...

What do you think?

My Article On Autism and Speech Therapy

Sorry if you have seen this but some of my readers let me know the link was down.

Here is an article I wrote on Autism and how critical Speech Therapy is to our children. I think I'm supposed to tell you that I might get a penny if you click on it and read it. I just like the article.
Thanks!

Chores at My House and Theirs

So my teenage daughter with Aspergers calls herself living with the boyfriend, his mother, momma’s husband, the 13 year old sister, and the grandmother. Hmm, well and 11 cats and 3 dogs too, that’s another story. She still has clothes and shoes at my house and still sleeps at my house. She has clothes and shoes and sleeps there sometimes too. She’s only 17 though…

Anyway she gets in the car and says she has chores at their house. I started laughing. I told her she didn’t do those chores at my house. She looks at me with those blue eyes and blond hair and says, ‘But they will throw me out.”

I hit the ceiling. Yes, I fussed. Not the best strategy. She may want to come home at some point. I still don’t think she understands the problem with understanding she has to do chores at other people’s houses and not doing them at my house. Err.


I will have to suck it up and go back and explain.

My Child and Her Cat

All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome

One of my daughters, the one with Aspergers, is obsessed with cats. (Reminded me of this book.) She would have hundreds if I let her. She moved in with her boyfriend and his parent's. (Which is a whole other story.) They have 3 underagers, mine included, 3 adults, 9 cats, and a dog in a 3 bedroom duplex. Interesting. Anyway.

She came running into my house two nights ago. Did I forget to mention that they live next door. She came running in at midnight, screaming. Someone ran over her cat. I understand, but screaming at midnight? I almost had a heart attack.

Now she thinks someone hurt it on purpose....

Relationships Between Parents Dealing with Autism

I was watching the sitcom ‘Parenting’ last night. I have to confess I was watching it so I could pick at my typical 16 year old son. He argued with his girlfriend (who’s not his girlfriend, he tell me it’s complicated). Anyway he said the small dog was a rat. She was mad. I told him he might be right about the dog but he was wrong. I also told him to say his three “I’m sorry’s.” Hence watching ‘Parenting’.

In the course of the show two of the women were talking about the statistics of failed marriages in a family with a child with Autism. I suppose the theory is that one or both of the parents become so focused on the Autism they forget why they are a couple. I already knew the statistics. I guess I was annoyed at it.

I wonder how many other factors contribute to the failure of the marriage, like money problems associated with any family member requiring more medical care. I supposed hindsight is 20/20 in this respect too. I’m ‘single again’, more than once. Autism was not the only reason but it was part of the situation. It definitely isn’t the first reason.

What do you think? Is Autism the first reason that your relationship dissolved? Or are you still in a committed relationship? How did you do that! Go ahead and post so we can share the little insights we all have.

My Daughter-in-law and Autism

I met my husband about 13 years ago. After meeting his family, I found out that his sister, Dominoe, had Autism. Meeting Dominoe was awkward at first having never been introduced to Autism.

I did not understand her behavior and how to react to it. I also did not know that my behavior sometimes set the tone. At first Dominoe did not like me. She was very tense around me.

I was new, and involved with her brother, and she did not like it at all. Dominoe’s mother, Mylinda, has as long as I have known her been involved in an organization that is devoted to helping people with disabilities.

I asked her a lot of questions about Dominoe, even sometimes offending her because of ignorance. I learned to slow down with Dominoe and talk to her. We got to know each other and our relationship turned.

Mylinda and my husband helped educate me on Autism. No one really knows why it is caused although people have therapies there is no real proof. I learned that getting involved with individuals with disabilities is very rewarding.

Be it autism or anything else, they have a wonderful impact on your life. Dominoe has been a wonderful sister to me and aunt to my daughters. She has a great full life. She has taught me to slow down and pay attention to my own temperament.

She has taught me that my mood can set the tone for those around me. Those lessons have taught me to be a better mother. I have watched her grown from a child into a beautiful woman. She owns her place in life with no explanation why.

I enjoy listening about her boyfriend and how her nieces aggravate her and how her day has been. She has given us so much. I just hope I have done the same for her.

Autism: The Importance of Diagnosis

Many times parents of a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder are overwhelmed with the diagnosis. Coming from the parent of a child with Autism, this is the most critical period to explore and start to deal with the diagnosis.

Gaining information about the diagnosis and the options open to our children is the first and the quickest way to get help for our children. Even though every child with Autism is different knowing the choices is comforting and gives us focus.

Parents of children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder are sometimes confused and scared by the various descriptions they read about children with ASD. It is very important to remember that even though some descriptions will be exactly on target that does not mean every description will come true.

Part of the journey is to also learn what, if any, co-occurring diagnoses our children have. These diagnoses will have characteristics which may complicate the Autism diagnosis. Parents want to be able to figure out what is considered normal for a child their child’s age.

This gives up the experience of the typical joys and frustrations of typical parents. By the same token knowing the other characteristics will help parents find the help they need. Although in the beginning it seems so confusing that we will never figure it out, this is not true.

As time goes on and as parents learn that there is no one right answer, we find what helps our children. Knowing the choices is the first step. Autism Spectrum Disorders not only affect how a child experiences their life, it also affects how they learn from their life.

Our child with Autism does not seem crave our contact and attention the way another child does. This does not mean they do not need us and want us. Our jobs almost become detectives in learning as much as we can handle as fast as we can handle it.

Autism Inclusion: What Can It Look Like

Many people with disabilities are leading our society to see Inclusion as the correct direction ethically, in the law, and as a way for society to responsibly use scarce resources. This is no different for children with Autism.

This is not to say that the system to assist children with Autism will disappear. There still needs to be well considered planning and support given to children with and without disabilities. We have become better at it. We will become better still at it.

To make real Inclusion happen parents will be critical to the process. Parents have the insight to be able to consider who their partners will be. There will be partners in day cares, schools, and the community. Children with Autism can and will become functioning members of society.

This will happen when people put their creative talents to work figure out the issues and solutions. The responsibility initially will fall on a parent to look for and build upon common beliefs and values. This is not unusual as parents are their child’s first teachers and their last teachers.

Sometimes parents feel unequal to the task. They must remember that whether or not their child has a disability, they were teaching them before anyone else had even met them. They taught them to suck to eat, to cry to get attention, and many other things.

Parents are the last teachers. When school is over, parents are still there. When supports do not work, parents are still there. Till the day parents pass on they are talking and teaching. This has gone on for centuries. We as parents have forgotten and need to remember our strength and wisdom.

Parents of children with Autism are also helping the people in their community see their own talents. Sometimes talents people do not know they have. The process of exploring boundaries and policies makes people smarter and flexible. This not only helps the child with Autism but helps the community as a whole.

MHRS Services part 2

I guess it seems like I am always complaining. I really don't mean to be. I just want help for my daughter. MHRS is a miserable way to get help. I can see why children, especially teens with Aspergers, end back up in the hosptial.

For the first 30 days you see the psychiatrist once and the nurse practicioner once. That's it. No counseling or anything else.

There is no continuity of care between the hospital and MHRS. The company tells you they are gathering paperwork. PLEASE.

I am a trained advocate. I am in the process of calling the regional director of mental health services to ask her some questions. I can not believe this is really the way it is. What happened to wrap around services?

Related Post

MHRS

Autism: Long Term Supports In the Year 2000+

Many parents of children with Autism start to wonder at some point what will happen to their children when they are gone. Some families wonder what they can do if they do not have the resources to plan for a trust fund for their child.

Unfortunately state institutions are many times seen as an unsafe choice. There are reports which come out on a regular basis about the poor treatment children with Autism receive in institutions and nursing homes.

Even when families have resources such as trust funds people with disabilities may not be happy. In the long term that is what we as parents want for all of our children. We want them to be happy.

Luckily there are different ways we as parents can plan for our child. Some of those plans may include financial instruments, some may include paid supports, and hopefully some will include non-paid supports.

Although financial resources may seem to be the most important that is not necessarily true. Rules and regulations about financial resources can change. The economy can change as we have seen in recent years. These changes can easily eat up what parents see as an adequate amount of money.

Because of changes in the economy and stresses of an aging population, legislators are more and more being pressured to control costs. This of course means that some of the paid supports that parents are depending on at some point may not be available in years to come. It is tricky to plan in any great way for these changes.

One of the resources families with a child with Autism are looking more and more towards are those unpaid, natural supports. Whether Circles of Support, friends, neighbors, or fellow church and club members the big questions are where do we find them and how do we get them.

This is a critical point in time. Finding those long term supports, learning how to use them, and watching them flourish are more important to family members than ever.

Social Security

I'm up in the night a bit nervous. I am going to start the process tomorrow to apply for the daughter with Aspergers social security (SSI). I suppose I am a bit sad too. Didn't want to need to do this. It will be a good safety net for her. Did I mention I hate forms? Really.